Nearer My God To Thee

Lives on the Edge: Profiles in Sex, Love and Death

My new book is dedicated to Holly Randall and has 80 pages of excruciating detail (most of which I have not published before) on the rise and fall of our relationship.

Here's the back cover:

Lives on the Edge profiles models, evangelists, writers and photographers who've spent years in the sex industry.

"For me to enjoy being a centerfold star," says Penthouse Pet Lori Wagner, "which is my right, which I worked hard for, because of that, I've been disrespected and not loved for who I am."

"If you're a woman who likes to look nice, and wears make-up, you have a hard time making female friends," says Penthouse Pet Courtney Taylor. "I'm 30-years old. I planned on being a doctor by now. But the money for modeling has been so good that I've put off my schooling."

"I wish my dad molested me," says porn star Joanna Angel. "It was the other way round. I was ignored. I would've loved for my dad to molest me. He wouldn't even talk to me."

..........

There are 52 chapters and 360 pages in the book.

After choosing the fragility of life as my theme, I selected 52 of my best interviews.

Lauren Grodstein - Reproduction is the Flaw of Love

I call her in New York August 7, 2006.

Luke: "You do look like Monica [Lewinsky]. The full mouth."

Lauren: "Maybe I did. Once they started referring to her as chunky, I decided I didn't look a thing like her."

Luke: "Did you really have all that angst over it as you wrote in The Modern Jewish Girls Guide To Guilt or was that more of a construct?"

Lauren: "I felt embarrassed that she was Jewish.

"When I went to graduate school, I decided to forgive myself more. I couldn't control the political landscape."

Luke: "I don't understand what you were forgiving yourself for."

Lauren: "I wouldn't say I was forgiving myself for anything I had done."

She sighs. "I was letting myself off the hook for feeling weirdly implicated while I was in France for being a friendly Jewish-American woman who smiles a lot. The French tend to mock Americans for being puritanical and ridiculous."

Luke: "I've noticed that a lot of Jewish women say their biggest flaw is they give too much. I ask them about their moral struggles and they say, 'Oh, I give too much.'"

Lauren gives the laugh of recognition. "I think all women feel that way. We're raised to take care of other people."

Luke: "It seems delusional to think that 'my biggest moral struggle is that I give too much.'"

Lauren: "Can people identify their biggest moral struggles? I have no idea. I know I have several but it's hard to pin them down."

Luke: "With guys, you know the biggest moral struggle is not to screw around and not to beat people."

Lauren: "Really? To keep your pants zipped and your fists to yourself. Women also face that."

Luke: "To the same intensity men do?"

Lauren: "I have no idea."

Luke: "You [frequently] write the male perspective. I'm impressed with how well you understand the male psyche. It's basically blowjobs."

Lauren laughs. "And existential angst and the girl who got away.

"Men and women aren't that different from each other. When the character Grant Miller [in Reproduction] fell in love, I tried to make it how I felt when I fell in love. People say how well I got into the male character but all I tried to do was write about myself honestly."

Luke: "Did Blair [the girl who got away] and Stan [Grant's father] ever get it on?"

Lauren: "I don't think so. I could never decide for sure."

Luke: "Why did you tell this tale of despair?"

Lauren: "I thought it had a happy ending. The guy [Grant] decides he can be alone. I did get teary when I wrote about Stan's death."

Luke: "Almost all your stories tend to be bleak and depressing."

Lauren laughs. "Maybe that's true?"

Luke: "Is that a reflection of your psyche and your experience? I can't imagine a happy person writing a lot of bleak stories."

Lauren: "The stories aren't autobiographical aside from location. I'm a happy person who gets the sadness out in what I write. Never in my life have I thought of myself as a sad person.

"The stories are about people in their late teens and early twenties. I wrote one of them when I was 19 and the last one when I was 25. That's a terrible age. Those were not the best years of my life. I was uncertain. I never imagined these stories were going to get published.

"I tend to write about absent parents and both of my parents are alive and well. I tend to write about broken hearts and I've been with the same man for six years and we've been married for almost two."

Luke: "The emotional landscape is so bleak."

Lauren: "I thought it was funny."

Luke: "What happened to your blog?"

Lauren: "I felt extremely exposed. In fiction you get to hide behind your characters. I freaked out and stopped."

Luke: "Would you rather write a great novel or have a great marriage?"

Lauren: "Write a great novel. I don't think it's even a question. Luckily I'm married to the kind of guy who understands why I said that."

Luke: "How did the title - Reproduction is the Flaw of Love - help you tell your story?"

Lauren: "Here's the whole quote, from Baudelaire's La Fanfarlo: 'Although Samuel had a depraved imagination—perhaps even because of this—love, for him, was less a matter of the senses than of the intellect. It was, above all, admiration and appetite for beauty; he considered reproduction a flaw of love, and pregnancy a form of insanity.'

"The quote reminded me of the way Miller might try to justify his admiration for Lisa - as a matter of the intellect, perhaps, if not the senses. Also, in this novel, reproduction (or the possibility of it) is the thing that ends whatever form of love Lisa and Miller have managed to muster up."

Luke: "When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?"

Lauren: "A writer."

Luke: "What crowd did you hang out with in highschool?"

Lauren: "I was pretty dorky. I hung out with the smart kids. When I was a junior, I scored myself a marginally more popular boyfriend, which made the rest of highschool a lot better."

Luke: "What's been your relationship with Judaism?"

Lauren: "I've become a better Jew since I married my husband who was not born Jewish but became interested in it after we met. We took courses together. We started going to a synagogue in our neighborhood, a progressive, socially-conscious place. We try to light candles on Friday night.

"I was raised in a culturally Jewish home but not religious."

Lauren is the eldest of three kids.

Luke: "How does your family feel about your writing?"

Lauren: "My father was very concerned about this choice. He's a physician... Now he's proud of me. He believes that all my sex scenes come from things I've seen in movies."

Luke: "There's a strong theme of blowjobs in your writing."

Lauren: "Fiction, fiction, fiction."

Tod Hunter writes

Madame Tussauds general manager Adrian Jones points out that there was an interest in a Jenna figure from guest surveys, and describes her as meeting three criteria: She's famous, she's from Las Vegas, and she is a successful businesswoman, a meme that has been turning up every time Jenna's name has been mentioned lately. He also pronounces the name of the place "Madame Too-sahds," which may be correct but sounds a little precious when I try it later... "She's been fantastic with the process," Jones continues, and adds that she was very cooperative with helping them find the right skin tones, hair colour, and replicating her tattoos. Jenna also recorded a voice track for the figure, which will speak when you touch the tattoo on her ankle... The curtain opens, and Jenna is sitting next to the figure on a fur-covered bed. Jenna is in a white and red dress, the figure is clad only in a leather belt, her arms coquettishly covering her breasts.

Daniel Metcalf writes me: "Plagiarism? Well this isn't quite the same thing, but you DO have a track record of cutting excerpts from peoples' message board posts (including my own from ADT) and presenting them on lukeisback.com as if they were whole, often creating an impression contrary to what the person actually intended (which would be clear if the message was re-posted in original form). It's never fun to be deliberately misrepresented, is it Luke?"

There's as much of a parallel between quoting someone's posts and plagiarism as there is between consensual sex and rape. Both are forms of intercourse but that's where the similarities end.

If I quote from someone's post, I link to the source so people can read the whole thing in its original context. But I only quote the parts that I find interesting for obvious reasons. Not everything people post is interesting. It is my job to winnow out the good stuff and reject the dull stuff. People read lukeisback.com because they are interested in my judgments about what is going on. Usually a person's post will get one hundred times as much attention if I quote it on lukeisback as opposed to letting it languish on some posting board.

I save readers time. They could spend hours combing the boards or they can spend five minutes on lukeisback.com and read the good stuff.

If a person gives an hour long interview to The LA Times or 60 Minutes, only a sentence or two or three may be used. That's just how journalism works. When people write a post or give an interview, they usually think it is their story they are presenting, but once a journalist gets a hold of their post or interview, he will shape it into his story, reflecting his judgments of what is important. See the book The Journalist and the Murderer.

So, no, Daniel, it is never fun to be deliberately or undeliberately misrepresented, but in my experience, much of the time when someone feels their post or interview has been misrepresented, it is a case of the person not wanting to stand behind what they said (with all their extraneous remarks deleted).

People don't usually see themselves. When they make a post or give an interview, and then deal with the consequences, they are often forced to confront themselves, and it is large part of their own selves that they do not like.

There's nothing people like more than talking about themselves and there's nothing they hate more than seeing it in end up in print.

Al Goldstein Interview

He now blogs here.

I call him in New York Tuesday afternoon, August 1.

Al: "I'm an old Jew with bad hearing."

Luke: "When is your book coming out? The one you worked on with Josh Alan Friedman."

Al: "I got a call from Peter Bloch [Editor] at Penthouse.

"I called Josh yesterday. I said they [the publishers] are a bunch of scumbags. They haven't even sent me a copy of the book. It's coming out next month. Here I am the writer. Review copies have been sent out. And I haven't gotten a copy."

Luke: "How was working with Josh?"

Al: "I love Josh. He was my editor 25 years ago. He loved going to all the massage parlors. He's written six books. He holds me in high regard.

"Frankly, I've been depressed since Screw went bankrupt two years ago. I'm looking for a job. I've been turned down by Starbucks and Costco. I'm not the big mouth I used to be. That's why Josh went to the editorials from 1968 and older ones when I still had piss and vinegar.

"I hate the porno industry. I helped start Larry Flynt. I've had 21 arrests. No one in the porn business has offered me a job. If it wasn't for doing the blog, I'd be back in a homeless shelter. My rent in Howard Beach is paid by Penn Jilette.

"When I start doing publicity for my book, I'm going to abuse the s--- out of it. It's no different than religion. Religion sells a fantasy. Pornography sells a fantasy. The bulls--- that you are going to have those type of women in your life is pathetic. It's delusional."

Luke: "Have you changed your views on the porn industry?"

Al: "Not at all. You look at Screw. It as Mad comics. There's nothing wrong with masturbation. There's nothing wrong with fantasy. But let's call it what it is.

"Fishbein at AVN was telling me that the business is down 20%.

"What put Screw out of business was the websites.

"I'm guilty of the same thing. I ran jerk-off photos. But at least I made fun of the girls.

"Pornography has the same right to exist as religion and reality shows. But I know it's sleight of hand. That's what my book's about. All men are coagulated testosterone. Men are pathetic creatures. I'm guilty. I have five ex-wives. That's why I went bankrupt.

"Playboy I could never jerk off to but Hustler I could because the girls are sleazy."

Luke: "You have a wife?"

Al: "I have a fifth wife. She's 29. I'm 70. Together three years."

Luke: "What is her attraction to you?"

Al: "Nobody else will be with me. There's no reason to be with me. I have no money. Wives are prostitutes who won't work in a whorehouse. She likes that despite my 21 arrests and bankruptcy, I'm still in there trying.

"Everyone dumped me. Ron Jeremy was best man at the wedding. Two people have been loyal to me -- Ron Jeremy and Paul Fishbein. Nobody else in the industry has done s--- for me. I hope everyone gets busted. Everyone needs a five year jail sentence at Leavenworth."

Luke: "How did you maintain your friendship with Fishbein? You've been caustic about him and his magazine."

Al: "I love Paul because he's a good friend. I only speak the truth. I am an obnoxious assaultive uninhibited Jew boy from Brooklyn. Everyone I've slammed is having the last laugh -- ignoring me, gloating when I failed. My son, who's 30, who graduated Harvard Law School four years ago. I was boasting about him on the Howard Stern and Don Imus show. He got so offended he would not invite me to graduation."

Luke: "Is he gay?"

Al: "I think he is. I think he sucks a dick now and then. I've always argued it takes a real man to suck cock. After my fifth marriage ends, I'm going to become a fag."

Luke: "What did you think of Gil Reavill's book Smut?"

Al: "I don't read about porno. What do I care? I'm rereading Franz Kafka's The Metamorphosis. Why do I want to read about pornographers? To be titillated? To learn about it? I don't care if it is pro or con. Gil's another mercenary. There's nothing wrong with him."

Luke: "What happened to your relationship with Larry Flynt?"

Al: "I wish he'd hire me. I went to him and begged him to at least give me a job as a manager. I don't want to be a dishwasher. He did give me an assignment and he loaned me $3,000 but I want a full-time job and Larry has not done it.

"I'll tell you who the biggest [jerk] of all is... I hope you're not going to censor this. Dennis Hof owns the Bunny Ranch. I was the first person to cover his bordello for Penthouse. I gave him publicity. Put him in my columns and on my TV show. He promised me there would always be a place for me. What a perfect job for me to be maitre de, to greet people at his whorehouse. He would not give me a job. He is the typical porno ingrate. I hope he dies of diabetes."

Luke: "What are the lessons to be learned from your rise and fall?"

Al: "Nothing. Nothing is real. Nothing is forever. Enjoy the moment. Mine is not the first story, be it Tyson or a rock 'n' roller. Don't believe the words of wives, 'I love you,' because as soon as you lose the money, they're gone.

"My ex-shrink, Ted Rubin, he wrote David and Lisa, said, 'Al, you have to learn the art of inhibition.' I repress nothing. I censor nothing. Like all honest people, I am hated and loathed."

Luke: "Where do you find happiness?"

Al: "I don't. A cup of coffee, when I ejaculate, and the taste of pussy. Right now I just want to survive. I go to the V.A., they give me lithium. I'm a zombie. I've thought of killing myself but I won't kill myself because I'd make too many people happy.

"Have you got enough?"

Luke: "Thank you."

Al: "As you've noticed, I still don't pull my punches."